Going to school fucked up cause yoi cant even stand to be here. Hearing your dad tell you to stab him and he wants to kill himself, searching the whole neighborhood for him all night and not being able to find him. Im so torn. If you die, I die, If I die, you live. how many fucking pills does it take. Cant I just be six feet under already. this is to much for me. I cant do it anymore. I just cant.

Its sad to think of how many people are in the world, and how not one of them, cares.

dont fucking read this, it wont affect you anyways

times are tough, everybody has ‘rough nights’ and ‘bad days’. i fucking get that okay, but what about the people that its not just a bad day once a week, what about the ones that cry themselves to sleep, the ones that barely make it thru the day. what about us? what about the ones that down a bottle of their moms captian morgan and a bottle of her pills in roughly 20 minutes. what about us? no one sees the pain that we have inside. no one gets it. no one cares enough to sit the fuck down with me and ask me how my goddamn day was. whywhywhy. why couldnt i have been the pretty fucking girl with the car and is happy 24/7. why did i get put in the situation that i cannot handle. i cant do this. how am i supposed to tell you to be happy and that your pretty and nice and all this other shit, when i cant do the same for myself. i want more than anything in the world, to wake up in the morning and be happy. not wake up and wonder how im alive. i wanna be off this shit. i dont wanna have to get my fix at  school in the girls bathroom. i wish i was born in a different body, someone that didnt struggle with servere depression. someone that doesnt cut the fuck out of their body. someone that doesnt want to fucking kill themselves every minute of everyday. people will try to help, theyll care for twenty minutes but thats it. how many times can i fake a smile till someone realizes im not okay. im never gonna be okay. all i will ever be is a loney, piece of fucking shit. i dont deserve to be here. thats why i deserve all the pain i go through. i deserve every cut, every pill, all the powder, and the needles. i deserve it all. every last bit of it, and that might be the hardest part of it all. not enough punishments for all the times ive done wrong. how can i have so much care in my heart for others, and i would be willing to die for so many people when i have no one that would do that for me. i dont have anyone. im all alone in a room full of fucking people. when the constant pain gets worse and worse. and when you feel this low, and hurt and like there isnt any reason to go on, but you can still sit here, and pause this fucking rant, to help someone thats in the EXACT same position you are in, and she has so many people that care about her, and that love her, when i have no one. she doesnt deserve this illness like i do. she deserves true happiness and i hope she gets it. i will take her place, i will take on her feelings, just add them to the pile. how could so many people care if she dies, and not a single perrson would care if i die. so what the fuck is the point. im not supposed to be here, im not supposed to be living right now. im supposed to be dead. im supposed to be buried by now. why am i here, when not one person would be affected if i die. not a single one. i dont want to continue, not anymore.

if i could die right now, i swear i would